In Memorial of My Dearest Cousin

R.I.P

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Flash back to few months ago. The last time I talked to Jess was during Bel's 17th early bird birthday celebration. She made us puddings and brought cupcakes for Bel. That time her baby girl was about 5 months old. She told Maria about her baby girl and they were so exciting chatting about baby stuff in the kitchen.

Everything happened too fast. It was supposed to be a happy occasion after she delivered her baby girl. But apparently, it was not. She was in pain and they noticed that the blood in her leg was clogged. It turned purple and almost bluish. The doctor said they had to remove the leg in order to prevent the rest of the blood got infected.

She was then moved to another hospital and went into ICU. Her leg was better when she shifted there. But they found out that there were several holes in her heart. She was in coma during that period. When the family were discussing whether or not to get the operation done, she woke up and got panic. Her heart pound even faster and that caused more holes in the heart. So the doctor left with no choice but to give her anesthetic. She couldn't stay awake, it will worsen her situation.

Day by day, reports sending here and there. Her situation did not get better but worsen. The doctor said that one of the nerve was clogged. She was way too weak for any operation. All she needs was miracle. From 200g of anesthetic, they had to increase it to 400g to make sure that she stay asleep.

Went to visit her in the ICU. Sorry to say but it was pretty eerie. Tubes all around her body. Her neck and arm were all bloated. Her eyes were covered too. I couldn't recognize here at all. She was supposed to be a happy mum carrying her baby and enjoying her life being a new mother. Not lying on the hospital bed with tons of tubes poking into her body.

She hadn't have a chance to see her baby. Not even carry her in her arms. She hadn't have a chance to breast feed her baby.

And now she was gone. 12 days of struggles and fights in the ward and the evil beat her. She passed away at 11th February 2010, 7:50am. In this 2 weeks time, lots of things happened. From being a mum then went into ICU and now she was gone. I didn't know what to react when I got the news.

Should I say it's better for her to leave? Like what my dad used to tell me when my mum passed away? That she won't suffer so much and could rest in peace? Or should I say that she couldn't leave? Her baby girl is waiting for her in the ward. A new mum life is awaiting her. But no matter what, she left us. All I could hope is she can move on and have a happy life in her next life.

Jess, We will always miss you. Rest in peace.